And the Number of the Counting Shall Be Three

Ok folks, I’ve just taken my first bullet in this Mighty Quest to Find the Most Delicious Autumn Beers and that hideous piece of work is made by a little cider company in Vermont called Woodchuck. They make a “reserve” flavor which is, you guessed it, pumpkin. A 6.9% ABV, $2.19 12 oz bottle of a fizzy mistake. On the nose, it’s a cider. Sweet, a wee bit sour, appley. On first sip? It tastes like something your reclusive uncle made in a pot in his garage. It’s bitter, accidentally boozy, not at all pumpkin and sour. There’s some sweet in there, but it tastes like fake sweet the way things with sucralose try to fool your brain. You know what it’s going for and the stupid part of your head is fooled but way back in the Mensa recess, it knows wassup. I’m actually trying to decide if I should just toss it rather than finish it. It’s almost 7% booze, ‘twould be a sin to dump it right? Probably. Ugh….this is crap. See you later, last two ounces. Bleh. Never again.

Let’s take a soul-affirming break, yes? YES. The most wonderful palette cleanser, easily one of the best beers on the planet Earth and bizarro Earth: Stillwater Of Love and Regret (7.2% ABV, $12.95 for 22oz). I could write an entire entry on Stillwater and may do eventually. It’s fascinating, gypsy brewing. He (brewer Brian Strumke) just bops around the world, borrowing larger brewing facilities and their local yeast, then churns out some of the most layered, tasty, smooth, creamy, dynamic and gorgeous beers a person can enjoy. They’re hard to come by (easier on the east coast and in larger breweries and stores) but when you do, buy them up. In particular, the Stateside Saison, Cellar Door Saison (with sage, what!) and Of Love and Regret. Recently, he’s gotten cheeky and is having some fun naming some of the beers after good old rock songs (Why Can’t IBU? – genius), like a good old former DJ does. It’s spicy, creamy, smooth, it’s like a hug. A hug and a really intense make out session. I used to say that Unibroue Ephemere flows out of the drinking fountains in heaven but now I’m going to say that Of Love and Regret is what we drink at the beginning and end of each shining, perfect day.

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Three more autumn beers left in the kitty and then it’s onto winter or Christmas offerings, I can’t decide. Obviously Christmas will be here and gone a lot quicker than winter brews but given the speed and trajectory of the autumn beer market I have to wonder if by the time I’m ready for the winters, the hefeweiss will be stocked and ready to go. Well, anyway, there’s a good chance that the next time I write I’ll be broadcasting to you from Chicago where I’m set to move in two weeks. It’s home, I know where the good beers are there, and I look forward to bringing you more then. If I don’t see you before, talk to you in December and have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

It’s the Just OK Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

Sierra Nevada Tumbler (5.5% ABV, $1.89 single bottle price), an autumn brown ale – if you blindfolded me, I would not know that this beer is anything other than a standard golden (though malt bodied) ale. Nothing suggests fall or brown but a slight bitterness in the linger, and while I’ve never been a big Sierra fan at least it’s not as hoppy-bitter as a lot of their stuff is.

 

 

Breckenridge “After Rakin” Autumn Ale (6.7% ABV, $1.99 single bottle price). Is there anything they don’t do well? I haven’t had a single bad offering from Breckenridge and this is no different. Heavy malt with chocolate and caramel notes, very easy hop. Unfortunately the day I tried it, their website was glitchy and I couldn’t get much of a story. I can’t express how happy I am with this beer. It has no bitter aftertaste that seems to plague most Octoberfest or brown ales, just enough sweetness from the malt to round it out and just enough hop to know it’s beer. Not for hopheads. So far, the in the top five.

Arcadia Ales Jaw Jacker (6% ABV, $1.89 single bottle price) You know? This might be the pumpkin beer I’ve been looking for. Its spice is very subtle but definitely there. The beer part fades fairly quickly but it’s quite well balanced with hops and easy yeast. It’s definitely not sweet or overly-cloved but the nutmeg and cinnamon nose is really delightful. I’m into it, even if I really don’t like the label design (I’m a graphic designer, lest we forget. I’m offended easily and often).

New Holland Ichabod (5.2% ABV, $2.17 single bottle price) Not tremendous. It has a certain bit of peanut on the nose and faintly on the tongue, very beery (brown ale) but not much in the way of spices or pumpkin. The faintest of the pumpkin beers I’ve tried, if I didn’t know it was a pumpkin beer I may not realize it even by the time it’s finished. Unimpressive from the company that produces the whopper that is Dragon’s Milk.

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I didn’t think Pumpkin/Autumn beer season was over already, being only early November, but when I tried to pick up one or two more to add to the test pile I found only single bottles of Christmas Ale. I have a few more fall offerings to try and I am very open to suggestions if you have them, please leave them as comments. I want to try The Bruery’s Autumn Maple and revisit Abita’s Pecan ale.

And as I write this, America has just re-elected our 44th president. Living this election year in the swing state of Ohio and only ever previously voting in Illinois (a steadfast, no chance of change Democratic state), the air was charged with the knowledge that each of our votes actually counted. It was a pretty special feeling, actually. I had a bottle of Stillwater Stateside Saison chilling for the moment however it’s late and I think it would have gone to partial waste so I’ll crack it open tomorrow evening and toast my friends all over the country who are doing victory dances.

Who Put the Punk in Pumpkin?

It’s fall and you know what that means: knee socks, impending snow, flannel sheets, slippery fallen leaves, picturesque wooded drives, the slide towards the holiday season and pumpkin everything. This has, in recent years, included beer. Lots and lots of beer. Seemingly, if you’re a brewery which kicks out more than five types annually then one of those must include something with a preponderance of clove, nutmeg and cinnamon. And I guess pumpkin. Kinda.

As my love of beer has grown and my tastebuds have matured, I’ve noticed a glaring truth amongst the pumpkin beer genre which seems to go unspoken more often than not: this stuff is way more carrot cake than pumpkin, and way more carrot cake and pumpkin than beer. The spicier and more cake-flavored, the more popular. If I order a gingerbread latte from a particular popular coffee chain and love it, I’d argue that it’s not the taste of the espresso I love. It’s clearly the gingerbread flavoring (or at best the combination of the two even if the proportion is 70%/30% in favor of syrup).

Thus, our first taste subject:

Southern Tier Pumking (8.5% ABV, $2.30 single bottle price). Arguably, the king (if you will) of pumpkin beers. It’s not everywhere but where it is, it sells out and quickly. Bars can get away with selling it anywhere from an imperial pint for $4, to a 10oz. goblet for $10. Astonishingly the people will pay it and I know this because last Saturday night while on a Halloween bar crawl, I was one of those. That $4 pint by the way, is what I normally pay when I order it (which is not often). If I order beer, I want beer. I want hops, malt, yeast, fizz, cold. Not cake. The residual flavor is spice, the mouthfeel is thicker than a pilsner but not nearly a Belgian or even a red. The flavor is the dominant feature here, and for my money there are far more interesting beers on the shelf or in the tap. It’s fine for a 10oz pour, ideal even, but I could never have two in a row. Pumking is, to be blunt, the Sbucks Pumpkin Latte of beers: a creature unto itself not closely resembling its source beverage.

And then we have Dogfish Head’s offering: Punkin Ale (7% ABV, $2.59 single bottle price). Now this is a weird beer. For  everything I just said: I want a pumpkin beer to taste like beer with just a wee bit of spice, I kind of now take back. This is a very beery pumpkinish beer. The slightest hint of spices and flavorings are at first sip and they remain on the tongue for a while after, but the middle is just a kind of flavorless ale – though to be fair the bottle’s verbiage toes the line of pumpkin and brown ales. The flavor improves as the temperature rises, or at least the individual flavors become a bit more pronounced anyway. It has a nice sparkle and good body but I wouldn’t put it on my top three. The search continues…